Parenting Without an Autopilot (While Living on a Boat). no texting & tacking

We decided – we were buying a boat! We were buying a sailboat. We were putting our family of five on the sailboat and sailing away full time…

Oh. My. Gosh!

Why, it couldn’t be that hard – homeschooling had already been invented; we all knew how to swim, and we had been on a boat before – a motor vessel called Jewel of the Sea, owned by some guy named Royal Caribbean…

We were ready!

From Dreaming to Moving

Packing in a messy room, to move on a sailboat

In all honesty, we were not complete boating novices. My husband did know the basics of sailing, having visited his grandparents’ sailboat a few times, as a teen.

If no sailing grandparents are available, try the American Sailing Association, as well as other useful courses.

Those cherished childhood memories must have found some safe spot in his heart, dormant for years, only to be revived at a certain stage of a man’s life. Some call it a crisis, others – a dream.

Regardless of how it all began, things were in motion and we took out a small loan (our fourth after a couple of home mortgages and a tractor) and purchased our first boat – a 1985 Grand Soleil 39. A beautiful vessel named Graceful.

Graceful joined our family of five, we had her blessed and pushed off the docks on a freezing November morning, in 2018.

The Huge Changes

Bobby reading a book during an ocean passage

Our first boat came with no solar, no water maker, no AIS, something resembling a radar, a few wraps of electrical tape around a damaged jib furler (don’t get me started) and a questionable electrical panel, which eventually exploded…

Yes, with fire. Yes, while sailing. Yes, far from shore. Yes, with kids aboard.

Dealing with the boat was one challenge, another one was the kids.

Our kids left public school without ever being home-schooled before and with no idea how to move from 4000 to 200 square feet of space! No more birthday parties on the weekends, no more soccer games, swim meets, end-of-the-school-year popsicles.

No more unlimited Wifi.

How were we going to survive!

Battling Seasickness and Self-Doubt

Day 1 of our liveaboard life. Here is the entire episode

After a decent amount of complaining and crying, off we sailed into the cold sunset. Our very first passage took us from Deltaville, VA to the beginning of the ICW in Norfolk, VA.

Everyone was seasick! Poorly secured belongings crashed on the floor below, from their spots assigned at the docks, where much thought was devoted to the space feng shui and little to gravity…

Was this all a huge mistake? Were we terrible parents?

After hours of surfing waves and digging ourselves deeper into boat hatred, the first anchorage was a welcome break from the rolling, the cold and the nausea.

A warm meal of canned vegetables and sausage was quickly put together and we all ate around the messy table in the salon, together.

We usually say a prayer before meals; that time the gratitude was sincere.

Discovering a new way of Parenting

kids in the front of the boat while sailing in the DR

Just a couple of days later, our slow cruising along the ICW calmed the angry spirits aboard and revealed waterfront views we never knew existed.

The children discovered all kinds of cool ways to climb places they were not supposed to climb and utilized halyards for swinging.

Instead of sitting in traffic, waiting for those moving bridges to close, we were slowly passing through their openings, waving a “hello” and hailing a “thank you” over the VHF.

After some research, I decided to abandon plans for a rigid school schedule, and we concentrated on learning how to lead our new floating lives and observe the changing scenery around us.

Certain core subjects were still present to remind us that the world was not a perfect school-free place.

Here are a few posts all about schooling and traveling:

Long-Term Traveling with Teens. Kill me Now

World-schooling Subjects Explained (Travel-Friendly, Parent-Friendly and Affordable)

World-Schooling Curriculum – How to Homeschool, Travel and Relax

World Schooling is Affordable and we’re Still Doing it.

From Public School to Boat School

A girl sitting in the galley of a boat, reading a book

Our children learned a new language of boating terms, which they proudly used on land, whenever the opportunity presented itself. They learned how to use the VHF properly, and what not so say to other sailors on channel 16!

They tied their first real knots. Fenders were lowered and picked up at the right time and place.

Motoring along the ICW was fun, but we had purchased a sailboat to sail. Once we left the slow and protected waters of the ICW, the ocean gave us an entirely new classroom to explore.

Fights were quickly broken up by playful dolphins. Tacking and jibing turned from formidable tasks into well-orchestrated maneuvers. Various fins were observed, looked up in books, and discussed, rather than feared.

Sailing and Parenting Without and Autopilot

a boy wearing foul weather jacket and pants on a sailboat

As Joe and I took turns sailing our small home without an autopilot, I learned the wonderful art of spilling wind when he wasn’t looking.

He discovered that furling the jib was absolutely possible while holding the helm with one hand, one halyard with another, and the other halyard between his teeth!

Without an autopilot, we really had to pay attention to our boat.

In the meantime, I could no longer rely on report cards, parent-teacher conferences and coaches to tell me how our children were growing.

Without an autopilot, we really had to pay attention to our kids.

From behind the helm, I watched our family of five become a crew of five.

Meeting Other Crazy Dreamers

Lots of kids on the bow of a catamaran, in the Dominican Republic.

As we sailed further south, along the US East Coast, we came across other families, equally crazy to attempt a life aboard. Our new sailing adventure was not a lonely experience at all!

As the adults gathered on one boat, discussing successes and failures of cruising life, the kids (of all ages) would gather on another and chat about which head was better – “head” as in a toilet aboard!

There was rarely any makeup, painted nails, and drama. If someone’s shirt smelled like diesel, you could never tell, because we were all a bit behind on the laundry.

And so our life aboard continued, from our first year of trials and tribulations, through our second year as better adjusted sailors, through our third year as international sailors, into the fourth…

From Regular Kids to Boatkids

Along the way, we were able to eliminate all debt and replaced our 1985 Grand Soleil with a 1995 Privilege 42.

So, we have sailed both – a cat and a mono, ah, that good old dilemma – I solved it!

We kept the name, Graceful, because it was as glued to us as that darn part we had to replace, but someone before us must have used 5200!

Most of our friends on the water had no clue what our real last name was. We were simply the Graceful crew. To their friends, the kids were know as “the Graceful kids”.

The kids proudly called themselves “boatkids”.

Our Boats Changed and so did we

a girl holding a mug, saying - In my previous life I was a mermaid.

Aboard our first boat we learned how to sail, what not do with all that wind and water, and how to abandon prior stereotypes for raising a family.

Our second boat took the live-aboard experience to a whole new level, providing more privacy for the growing teenagers, farther horizons to sail into and a great excuse for temporary, willful unemployment.

On our catamaran, we did have a water-maker, solar batteries, an AIS, a GPS, a few more important gadgets ending in “s”, and an autopilot!

It was a game-changer!

At the push of a button and the boat goes on her own! No more staring into the red compass and the sails for hours, while keeping a yoga pose at the helm!

From Kids into Teens Aboard

kids at the bow of a catamaran, making funny faces

Meanwhile, the children grew from kids into teens. I was grateful that the boat had a high clearance in the salon and hulls, because with a captain of 6’4”, those genes were quickly beginning to express themselves all around me!

After four years of boat-schooling, the kids had figured out their rhythm.

Boat chores were adjusted as well, to include more responsibilities and harder work above and below the water line (with hull scrubbing unanimously voted as the unfairest of them all).

The Button we Refused to Push

A boy on the bow of a sailboat, with the sea horizon in front

Many systems aboard were upgraded and changed to better fit our lifestyle. We loved our gadgets and navigation instruments. We loved pushing a button and letting the boat sail herself.

With one exception.

There was no button to push and let someone else navigate our children. We were still parenting without an autopilot.

And we liked it.