Darn it! I Failed Yoga, again! (In the Prettiest Gym on Earth!)
“Luperon cruisers, don’t forget that there is yoga at the abandoned yacht club. Yoga tomorrow! Over.”
I am not going!
Painful memories of how I failed yoga class and publicly embarrassed myself surfaced in my mind. No way!
The above announcement concluded the morning broadcast on channel 68. The channel was reserved for all of us “gringos”, who lived on our boats, and were anchored in the world-famous hurricane hole – Luperon, Dominican Republic.
Luperon was a hidden gem on the north coast of the Dominican Republic and besides a huge boating community, not much happened there. Few locals knew it existed. To us, liveaboards, Luperon was the next natural stop south from the Bahamas, on our way to the Caribbean.
Almost immediately after the yoga announcement, our own group of cruising friends (aka buddy boats) switched to channel 11, which we had adopted for our buddy-boating needs. The moms were all going to attend the yoga class the following morning. They were excited!
I was not.
I was bailing out; yoga was not my cup of tea and I had already made a fool of myself once, during a yoga class, 15 years ago…
How it all began (how I failed yoga once)
15 years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom, driving a silver Honda minivan, desperately trying to remember where I parked every time I exited the grocery store. I had decided to join a very expensive gym, and purchased a couple of yoga-friendly outfits, so it was a logical progression that I attended a yoga class, at the expensive gym.
I dropped my toddler at the kids’ area and proceeded to the yoga room. Everyone was quiet, deliberately quiet. I figured it was not a yoga thing to chat, so I remained silent too. The instructor was very pleasant, but kept her voice an octave lower on purpose, the entire time.
We began the class and people assumed all kinds of “relaxing” positions. I sat on my mat and waited. Then I started feeling a bit hot. I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed that too. They had not. I was barely in my 30’s, so hot flashes were not very likely. I focused on the class.
A bit later, while the yoga-ers around me were basically levitating, I was still feeling quite lost. I was also feeling even hotter…
The AC must be broken! With all the money I was paying for the class, someone should get the engineer over to fix this! No one else around me seemed to mind, they had all distributed themselves in various other worlds.
With the broken AC and my failing to get into any zone, I excused myself, and decided to collect my toddler and leave,
“Excuse me, Ms. Vinyasa, thank you for your class. It is REALLY hot in here, I need to leave.”
If you just laughed, then you must read on. If you did not, no need to leave my page and Google this – I had signed up for “Hot Yoga Vinyasa”. It was supposed to be miserably hot in there, and Vinyasa was not the name of the instructor…
Fast forward, back to Luperon and the prettiest gym on Earth.
“This is Mina, on Graceful. I’ll pass, not much of a yoga person, but you have fun! Over.”
“You cannot be the stick in the mud, again,” my husband scolded me, “go to yoga!”
“This is Mina, on Graceful. The captain is making me go to yoga, I’ll come. Over.”
The following morning, all of us, boat moms, climbed into a dinghy and motored across the anchorage. We walked up a beautiful hill and reached the abandoned house-castle.
Should you ever find yourself on a boat, in Luperon, you must visit that place – Here is a link to the Yoga Club Facebook Page.
Once owned by a wealthy local family, the house was clearly in need of love and maintenance. But, ah, those views!
It overlooked the bay via a large open veranda. Stone pools and small ponds guided the gaze away towards hills covered in lush jungles. Gardens surrounded the home, guarding the senses from any side thoughts. Sadly, it was all slowly falling apart.
Attempt #2 at yoga (how I failed yoga twice)
The first part of the class went well, I unrolled the mat, did not call the trainer by any name and crossed my legs in front of me!
After that, however, things quickly went downhill.
How was I supposed to pull the air in through my toes and then find my center, while connecting some energy things I had never heard of before?! And all of that with my eyes closed!
I opened my eyes to cheat – most of the other women seemed quite comfortable breathing with their feet, but I did find a couple of my boat-buddies in the back of the class, who looked reassuringly confused.
Darn it, I should have sat in the back, with them!
I always sat in the front at school, and raised my hand first… An old habit told me to be that kid again, and sit towards the front, to show the teacher just how good of a student I was. There you have it, Mina, find some air to pull in through your toes now, good luck!
Digging myself deeper…
As if the warm up was not embarrassing enough, an hour into us stretching and following strange commands, we stood up and were asked to stand on one leg and be a tree, waving our arms above our heads like, well, branches…?
I am sorry, I did have to clear my throat a few times during that exercise. Then we went down on our hands and knees, stuck our butts up in the air and turned into dogs…
By the time the experience was completed, and I had failed yoga for the second time and we had toured the entire Plantae and Animalia. I gave up half way through and drafted mental grocery lists. After almost three hours, the class ended.
I had meals planned for the next two weeks.
And they lived happily every after.
That story was not meant to offend any yoga lovers out there. I have many friends, who are perfectly comfortable with yoga and its poses and energies. In fact, sailing our boat on long passages, without an autopilot was so damaging to my back and hips, that some yoga respect might have served me well.
I tried yoga twice, and I failed yoga twice. It was fairly obvious, I was not meant for yoga, and yoga was not meant for me.
So, let’s just be friends.
If you found that story entertaining, check out my collection of funny and embarrassing stories in distant and exotic places:
More stories that will make you laugh
Fun Stories – No Texting and Tacking
More Dominican Republic posts
Luperon the Locals’ Way. Guide to Luperon.
Crossing the Mona Passage: How to do it Safely
Dominican Republic Part 5 – Los Haitises, and a Decision, which Changed Everything!
A Very Embarrassing and Funny Waterfall Story
I do enjoy your writing Mina, and reading about all your family’s adventures! XO
Thank you very much! We are already planning new adventures and travels, God willing!