A Comedy of Travels – How Not to Fly in Crazy Covid Times!

It was going to be a regular, boring trip from the US to Bulgaria, during the crazy Covid Year of 2021!

Then, something went wrong… We may have shed a few tears at the time, but out of our miserable journey was born this hilarious comedy of travels – enjoy!

A very true story!

Cast:

• Dad (aka Captain all the time)
• Mama (aka Fun Police, when necessary)
• Three bored kids
• American Airlines check-in desk rep and supervisor
• A Covid lab technician
• British Airways check-in agent
• Five large suitcases

Scene 1 – North Carolina, CLT International Airport.

Enter: A landing airplane with SV Graceful crew aboard

As our three-times delayed plane finally touches the ground in Charlotte, North Carolina, we notice our connection to London still at the gate! We might just make it, if we run fast! We slalomed down endless walkways and gates. Out of breath, and filled with hope, we reach D11!

“Flight Closed”

At that very moment the tail of our plane floats past our eyes! Is it really that hard to make a plane stop, so we can hop on?! I ask the friendly attendant at the gate, if maybe we could still make it – it is that close!

His look says it all, “Have you ever been at an airport before?!”

With our ticket to Europe drifting away, our next step is the long line of frustration down the corridor. We are not the only passengers who have missed their connection and a few of the others are not even walking yet… At least we do not have to handle tantrums by tired toddlers!

The next possible flight to London, with a connection to Bulgaria, is in two days! Our hotel for the next couple of nights is secured, along with taxi rides, and the generous amount of $12 per day, per person, for meals!

We select a hotel with a free breakfast, close to a grocery store, because $12 does not go very far in the land of unlimited possibilities. I am an expert in packaging lunch meals from the breakfast buffet!

Scene 2 – Hotel Room near Charlotte Airport, North Carolina, US.

All set, we take hot showers, update our relatives in the US and Bulgaria, and drift off to sleep… without setting an alarm… ah, finally!

Wait a second! Covid testing!

Two days of delayed flights means we have missed our window for negative Covid results to transit London. Vaccinated or not, the UK requires a negative Colvid test result.

Off to the internet we rush, only to find that the close-by sites offering free rapid tests, have no availability for the entire week ahead. A test is rapidly available within a walking distance from our hotel, for those with health insurance, or at $120 per person (for us without).

A free test/no insurance combo is offered at a Walgreens, in rural Virginia, around 200 miles away.

What are we to do?!

Do math, of course! One day of a car rental to drive to the “middle of nowhere”, versus paying for five tests out of pocket – a decision is made, appointments are made. All set!

What a relief! Three hours away is not so bad, we will rent a car, do an early check in, so our bags are not in the way, and things just fall into place, as I fall into that king-size mattress.

“They have no rental cars for today, nor for tomorrow.” Joe interrupts my settled mind. Oh, no, not another obstacle!

“We can call and ask them if they have a car, even if they don’t have one!”

Why not?

Crazier questions have been asked before, check Scene 1. With a bit of hesitation, Joe agrees to call and that time it works! They have a car!

Scene 3 – Check in Desk, CLT Airport.

Enter: Captain, Mama, three bored kids, five large suitcases and an American Airlines agent.

American Airlines Agent: “We cannot check in your bags, I am sorry. Your Covid tests are expired.”

Mama: “Yes, our Covid tests are expired, because we missed our connection to London, due to maintenance issues with our first flight. We found a way to renew our tests, by renting a car and driving three hours away from this airport. We cannot fit all of our bags in the car. Can we, please, check in the bags early?”

American Airlines Agent: “I am sorry, that would not be possible… Let me call my manager.”

Enter Manager:

“Hello, how can I help you?” The story and requests are patiently repeated again, just like we would all do when our problem is escalated up a level…

“I am sorry, but we cannot check in your bags without a negative Covid test.”

Manager smiles. I smile back. Pause.

“We cannot update our tests without a car. We cannot all fit into a car with our luggage. Can you, please, take our bags and our passports, and keep them somewhere, in the back, for six hours until we come back?”

Manager smiles, “We cannot do that.”

Enter Fun Police!

“The only reason our tests expired, was because there was a maintenance issue with your flight. I am more than happy to walk ten minutes to the closest Urgent Care clinic and have new tests, at $120 per person, if American Airlines would reimburse us the cost!”

Manager smiles, “I am sorry, we cannot do that.”

His voice – calm, his posture – waltz-ready. I am going down the rabbit hole and loosing the battle! Well, might as well continue…

“Fine! Then American Airlines can probably pay for our second rental car, which we will need, in order to fit our luggage, in order to take new tests, all the way in Virginia, while risking to miss our flight, again!”

Manager smiles. Manager pauses. Manager types a bunch of things on the computer screen.

Manager smiles again, “I have a solution for you! We can put you all on a flight to La Guardia Airport, New York right now, then you will take a taxi from La Guardia Airport to JFK Airport, New York. I know they must do free Covid tests at Terminal 5, at JFK airport. We will then put you on a flight to London!”

Fun Police smiles back. Fun Police holds back tears.

Fun Police will not even try to bring up math at that point, “There is a tropical storm, which just hit Florida and is headed north. Thank you for trying to help us, we will not be flying to New York; we will hope to find a bigger car.”

Exit: Fun Police, Captain, three bored kids and five large suitcases.

Scene 4: The Car Rental Lot!

And there it is- like a white horse galloping to our rescue from the Dark Riders of Mordor. The one car, the SUV, hungry for all of our bags!

Scene 5: Walgreens, Virginia!

I ensure all of our tests are valid and negative, before we leave the pharmacy in Virginia, because there is no coming back, and we have no internet to check results, while driving.

Three hours later, we arrive back at the CLT airport and connect to the WiFi – Mina’s test is negative, Joe’s is negative, Sophie’s is negative, Joey’s is negative…

Bobby’s is …missing!

We all laugh. A laughter later, I call Walgreens and request Bobby’s test results. They fix it. They do!

Half an hour later we check in our luggage and pass through security, where they triple scan our huge Trader Joe’s chocolate bar and our raisins, “Sir, just throw them all away, I do not care, we are two days late into our trip, we cannot miss our flight again!” Chocolate and raising back in our bag, we head to the gate!

The Gate!

Scene 6: London Heathrow Airport, UK.

Enter: Captain, Mama, three tired and bored kids, and a British Airways Agent.

“I am sorry, but your Covid results are all rapid tests and you need PCR tests to proceed to your flight to Sofia.”

“This is incorrect. The latest requirements state that any test is acceptable, if we are only transiting England. We are only staying at this airport for three hours.”

“Please, excuse me, while I call and check…”

British Airways agent is being excused, as we have already waited almost two hours for our turn to receive our boarding passes. We have an entire hour left to be late and miss our connection!

“I am sorry, but you may not enter Bulgaria with rapid tests only, it says here you need PCR tests.”

Enter: Fun Police.

“Actually, we won’t continue traveling as Americans then. We will enter as Bulgarians and my husband is a family member, so we need no tests at all! Here are our Bulgarian passports, I have checked the regulations and I am happy to show them to you, on my phone, from a “.gov” website in Bulgaria.”

“Ummm, please excuse me while I call and check about this requirement.“

Agent proceeds to make a phone call, while we wait for this new series of events to unfold. Only time will tell how this story ends. Unfortunately that is something we are now running low on!

“Ummm, your husband must prove that he is your husband.”

“OK! We have the same last name, three grown children who are able to confirm, and he has a visa in his American passport, issued to people who wish to obtain permanent residency in Bulgaria, on the basis of certain special ties, such as marriage.”

“Ummm, let me call and check… I will need your marriage certificate to prove that he is your husband.”

…I once won a team-building contest for having the largest amount of random items in my purse, out of a long list of randomly assembled items. I believe I had a total of 24 items, including an eraser, a piece of string and a loose semi-precious stone…

Enter: random item number 25 – Marriage Certificate!

Two of them – a US and a Bulgarian one! Catch me if you can now, you, British Airways agent!

Living on a sailboat has forced us to compile a folder with all kinds of documents, which we carry everywhere we travel – from passports to panoramic dental X-rays!

We are all allowed to proceed, with one last temporary delay due to the same Trader Joe’s chocolate bar and raisins, which are once again taken out and examined.

Scene 7 – Sofia Airport, Bulgaria

A few hours later, we finally touch ground in Sofia, Bulgaria! My parents are overjoyed to see us after two years of various delays due to sailing and Covid. And, as we enter a unique part of the world, we are properly greeted:

The End

I believe our bottom line for the trip would be – avoid air travel during Covid surges! Rules are different and bound to change hourly, and airport personnel are playing catch-up, constantly.

Why do I take so much post-space to share all of our air travel adventures? First, because it is a funny story, and I have been told I am funny, on paper only.

Second, because I do not believe in coincidences. All of our troubles have been a perfect test in patience and humility. Some, I have failed, perfectly.

Praise be to God for our safe arrival, and I hope you continue to follow our adventures in this amazing country, I have so much to show you!